How to negotiate with your teen

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Handling teenagers can be a real challenge. They’re craving independence, dealing with crazy hormones, and facing social pressures that would make any of us lose it. Whether you’ve managed to keep the upper hand or not, negotiating with your teen can work wonders if you approach it with patience and preparation. Some parents think they should have the final say on everything, but it might be worth trying a new game plan, especially if tensions are high at home. Be open-minded and give negotiating a shot.

Here are some tips to help you negotiate successfully with your teenager and bring some peace to your home:

1. Make a List of Negotiation Topics: Not every negotiation is the same. Having some go-to skills and strategies is great, but the specifics can vary. Think about what you are willing to negotiate about, like:

● Chores

● Schoolwork/Grades

● Allowance

● Curfew

● Dating

● Friends

● Social events

2. Understand What They Really Want: Your teen might say they want their own car, but what’s the real reason? Is it about pride, independence, or just keeping up with their friends? Figure out what need they’re trying to meet, and then you can work together to address it.

3. Be a Good Listener: Sometimes, the key to a good deal is simply listening. Stop talking and take an actual interest in what your teen is saying and what they want (Pro tip: watch out for what they don’t say).

4. Find the Middle Ground: The best deals often require both sides to compromise. Be ready to give a little, and expect your teen to do the same.

5. Show Some Respect: You might think respecting your child is unnecessary if you don’t feel like it, but that is a recipe for disaster. People, including your kids, are more likely to give you what you want if you show them respect. No one forgets feeling disrespected, so be mindful of your approach.

6. Set Clear Boundaries: Some things are just non-negotiable. You might never let your 15-year-old daughter date a 23-year-old, or allow your 17-year-old son to go to Bangkok with his friends for two weeks. Be upfront about the boundaries and ensure everyone understands the final agreement. Vagueness only leads to more trouble later.

Put these negotiation skills to use with your teenager. You may have mastered corporate mergers, but see if those talents can work magic at home. Negotiations don’t always need to be formal sit-downs. Casual negotiations happen all the time, like when your teen promises to wash the car but then gets invited to the lake with a friend’s family. You could agree that they’ll wash the car on Sunday morning before doing anything else. You might build a consequence into the deal if they have a track record of backing out.

Give negotiating with your teen a try. It might just make your home life a whole lot smoother and strengthen your bond with your child.